ten planks of the communist manifesto


The Manifesto of the Red Revolutionaries

Imagine a world where the disparity in wealth is so extreme that the elite 1% own more yachts than we have pairs of socks. It’s a reality that leaves us scratching our heads, wondering how such inequality can exist. But fear not, for the Red Revolutionaries are here to challenge the status quo and advocate for wealth redistribution. Let’s strive for a society where everyone can afford something as simple as matching socks without having to worry about their next meal.

Envision a future where access to essential services like healthcare and education is not dependent on one’s bank account. A world where indulging in luxuries like Nutella doesn’t require sacrificing a vital organ just to make ends meet. In this new era, even celebrities like the Kardashians will have to wait in line alongside us common folk – no VIP treatment based on fame or fortune.

Let us unite in pursuit of a fairer distribution of resources, ensuring that every individual has an equal opportunity to thrive. Embrace the idea of sharing the pie equally among all members of society, even if it means adapting our tastes and preferences along the way. The time for change is now; let’s embrace it with open minds and hopeful hearts.

The People’s Plan for a Better Tomorrow

Envision a realm where each individual is bestowed with a participation accolade simply for their mere existence. Yes, dear readers, within the heavenly society of tomorrow, mediocrity holds dominion! Bid adieu to rivalry and welcome an era of perpetual siestas – for in our realm, all are victors, even if one struggles with the act of tying shoelaces.


And yet, there’s an added twist! Within the Citizens’ Blueprint for a Brighter Future, we are abolishing those troublesome personal choices. No longer shall one fret over wardrobe selections or meal options – the collective shall make such decisions on your behalf! Who has need for self-governance when one can revel in conforming to the masses? Here’s to a future where independent thought is deemed passé.

Sharing the Wealth: A Communist Vision

In this bewildering communist paradise, bid adieu to your personal possessions and greet the extraordinary realm of wealth redistribution. No longer must you fret about accumulating a plethora of high-end shoes or lavish automobiles, for in this grand scheme, all are granted a sample of the opulent life.

Envision a community where the notion of “keeping up with the Joneses” is but a distant memory. Instead, it revolves around synchronizing with the common good and ensuring that no one is left behind. So let us hoist our cups of communal coffee and celebrate a tomorrow where possession is passé, and sharing reigns as the quintessential trendsetter.

Owning Nothing and Loving It

Imagine a world where the weight of mortgages and home repairs no longer loom over your head. A place where the constant chase for the latest tech gadgets and fashion trends is but a distant memory. In this society, the shackles of consumerism have been shattered, leaving you unburdened and free. It may sound like a fantasy, but this is the reality of owning nothing and reveling in it!

Gone are the days of trying to outdo your neighbors or seeking validation through material possessions. In this enigmatic new era, belongings are communal and possessiveness is a foreign concept. Need an outfit for that upcoming event? Simply borrow one from the collective wardrobe. Want to upgrade your phone? Fear not, there’s an abundance of shared devices at your disposal. Embrace the liberation that comes with possessing nothing and embrace simplicity as you coexist harmoniously with others in this perplexing new world.

From Each According to Their Ability, to Each According to Their Needs

In a world where some individuals possess extraordinary juggling skills, while others struggle to even grasp a ball, the concept of assigning tasks based on individual capabilities appears to be a stroke of sheer brilliance. Picture a society where the inept are excused from handling fragile glassware and the tone-deaf are spared from karaoke night – it’s a utopia waiting to unfold! And let’s not even broach the subject of the relief that comes with knowing that when it comes down to assembling IKEA furniture, the experts will finally get it right on the first try.

As for receiving according to our needs, sign me up! No more days of hoarding mismatched socks or serving sizes fit for an elephant – let’s welcome a world where excess is out and just-right portions are in. Say goodbye to cramming two lifetimes’ worth of shampoo into the bathroom cabinet or feeling guilty about that neglected treadmill collecting dust in the corner – it’s all about leading a simple and content life. What a tremendous weight lifted off our shoulders (and our overflowing closets)!

Seizing the Means of Production with Style

As the Red Revolutionaries set out on their audacious quest to seize the means of production, they are not simply storming factories in a haphazard manner. Oh no, my dear comrades! They are executing this mission with an air of perplexity and burstiness that is truly captivating. Picture it: sleek black berets atop their heads, trendy overalls adorning their bodies, and most importantly, a fierce determination to overthrow the capitalist oppressors while exuding a sense of revolutionary panache.

Gone are the days of monotonous industrial revolutions filled with grime and hard labor. The dawn of this new era of seizing control is all about making a bold statement – but not just any statement; a fashion statement like no other. From accessorizing with hammer-and-sickle motifs to transforming old factory machinery into trendy home décor pieces, these red revolutionaries are reshaping what it means to embody Marxist ideals in style. So beware, bourgeoisie, for the workers are coming for your factories in a burst of impeccable fashion sense that will leave you speechless.

Saying Goodbye to Private Property

In this perplexing new world we dare to imagine, bidding farewell to private property is merely the tip of the iceberg. Envision a reality where one cannot accumulate unnecessary possessions or lay claim to a minuscule plot of land. No longer will there be disputes over who deserves a larger portion of the pie or who has the right to occupy the best seat – for in this idyllic realm, fairness prevails (or at least as close to it as possible!).

Visualize this: your neighbor cannot boast about their extravagant car or flashy gadgets because such luxuries are now relics of a bygone era. There will be no more comparisons with non-existent neighbors, as everyone now shares in collective ownership and communal resources. Thus, bid adieu to private property – it is time to welcome a world where all have equal access to both the desirable and not-so-desirable aspects of life.

Uniting the Workers of the World

Oh, behold the magnificent spectacle of workers hailing from all corners of the world converging towards a singular objective – to topple the capitalist rulers and seize control of the means of production! Their unity transcends geographical boundaries, their revolutionary fervor knows no limits! Whether they are laboring in sweatshops across Asia or enjoying fancy beverages in hip co-working spaces in the West, the global workforce is uniting to declare, “We’ve had enough, and we refuse to endure it any longer!”

This international coalition of laborers goes beyond just sharing anti-capitalist memes on social media – although that certainly plays a pivotal role in this uprising. These comrades are rolling up their sleeves, honing their tools, and gearing up to dismantle the oppressive structures that have enslaved them for too long. With their collective strength and unwavering resolve, they are carving out a path towards a future where everyone receives an equitable portion of resources – or perhaps we should say, an equitable share of production means!

The Road to Equality and Justice

Picture a world where Netflix passwords are freely exchanged among all, and disputes over the final pizza slice are nonexistent. This is the kind of equality and fairness we strive for in our ideal society. No longer will there be possessiveness over the remote or sneaky consumption of the last bit of ice cream – instead, it’s about justness and equal access to life’s simple pleasures.

In our vision, disagreements over household responsibilities like taking out the trash or doing dishes will vanish. Each person will contribute according to their abilities and necessities, establishing a seamless and effective system where chores are completed with enthusiasm. The focus is on cooperation towards a shared objective of building a brighter world for everyone, one communal pizza slice at a time.

A Blueprint for a Utopian Society

In this perplexing Utopian Society, the very concept of wrinkles in the fabric of communism seems absurd – as everyone dons the same jumpsuit day after day. The fashion industry, once a symbol of individuality and expression, has been effortlessly overshadowed by the efficient distribution of revolutionary clothing. Who could possibly crave designer labels when adorned with the emblem of the hammer and sickle?

Forget about petty squabbles over pizza slices – here, everything is divvied up evenly among all. Yes, even those die-hard pineapple-on-pizza lovers must learn to compromise. But fret not, for in this enigmatic Utopian Society, unity reigns supreme atop our pizzas. And really now, who needs pineapple toppings when solidarity itself provides such a delectable flavor?


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